A nice woman recently explained to me that scientists discovered that all of our skin cells contain memories (note: I'm not sure if this is actually true or not, but she was pretty so I played along). That prompted my own discovery, which I shared with her...No wonder all the skinny beautiful people are so dumb! Less skin, fewer memories! If that's true, then fat people should have lots of memories. Most of those memories focus on eating (note: I'm not sure if this is actually true or not, but she was pretty so I figured she wouldn't remember me saying any of this later).

Cars have gone really high-tech. Used to be only large buses and tractor-trailer trucks had warning systems when they stuck it in reverse. My parents drive a car with a little camera on the rear windshield that points backward -- when they slowly back up, it goes beep...beep...beep. When they back up quickly, it goes THUMPTHUMPTHUMP. Or, sometimes...KRRRRSSHHHH!